


Rodney McKay Meets the Gandorans. A Squashbuckler.

by denynothing1



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-10
Updated: 2006-08-10
Packaged: 2017-11-27 09:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denynothing1/pseuds/denynothing1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some have greatness dumped upon them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rodney McKay Meets the Gandorans. A Squashbuckler.

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as comment fic for haphazardmethod, who wanted a story using the sentence, "It's okay. You couldn't have known about the squash."

"Oh my God."

"It is okay, Dr. McKay. You couldn't have known about the squash." Teyla did her best to sound sympathetic, all the while carefully maintaining a healthy distance from the small puddles of goo dripping from Rodney's... everything.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my _God_."

"Rodney, will you settle down? We've broken orbit, we're on our way home, chill out." Sheppard sounded glad, not for the first time, that the jumper didn't have a rear view display. Because, truly, who would voluntarily want to look at _this_ again?

"Chill out? Chill out? Did you see what they did to me back there? I thought I was going to be presented with a festive casserole dish! And instead I got _slimed_." He glared as Ronon made a muffled sound. "Oh, so glad this amuses you. I'd like to see how you'd react to being smothered in gourd guts."

"It was an honor, Dr. McKay. A ritual of the Gandorans going back centuries. By volunteering for the ceremony, you assured them of a prosperous harvest and us of a grateful trading partner." Teyla resisted the urge to get close enough to give McKay a soothing pat on the shoulder. That particular shade of purple was not a good color on her. 

"Volunteering? They asked if we would partake of their precious squash and I asked if it came topped with maple syrup and marshmallows! How can that in any way, shape or form be construed as volunteering?"

"Rodney," Sheppard called from the front of the jumper, "thanks to you, the Gandorans are happy, the folks back on Atlantis will be ecstatic to know we've found a source of vegetable protein that doesn't taste like liver and the squash… Well look, we'll have to hose out the jumper anyway. We'll do you at the same time. It will probably come off. Eventually." 

"This is perfect. First I get slimed and then I get run through the Pegasus version of a car wash."

"Dr. McKay, do you not realize what a great thing you have done? The Gandorans never forget the honored guest of the Autumn Squash Ritual. You have ensured their hospitality and generosity for many trading missions to come."

"Really? Oh." Rodney bit his lip thoughtfully, then grimaced and spit out a small, purple chunk of squash. "I guess when you put it that way--"

"See, McKay? You took one for team and we all win." Under his breath, Sheppard added, "Who cares if the Marines are going to start calling you Barney."

"I heard that!"

Teyla looked on sympathetically as Rodney flung up his hands at Sheppard's remark, then began sliding helplessly off the bench in reaction to his violent gesture. Gandoran balastorkle squash was not only an ancient ritual vegetable and a complete source of nutrition, in its raw, pureed form, it was also an excellent lubricant.

"Will someone _please_ get me a towel? Or at least another shirt? Preferably one from Sheppard's pack."

Sheppard started singing something that sounded like, "I love you, you love me" which Teyla took as a sign that things were about to get ugly. She tugged at Ronon, who was watching in fascination as McKay lost his battle with gravity and slid off the bench, yelling angry words at Sheppard and his deity all the way down.

Ronon knelt beside her as she rummaged through the packs. "We will have to go back there, you know," he said.

"Yes, I know. We cannot neglect a useful trading partner simply because they practice… inconvenient rituals."

"Are you going to tell him that the Gandorans insist on dealing with the same representative every time?"

Teyla glanced over her shoulder at McKay, who was now on his back and slithering toward them, picking up speed at an alarming rate.

Under Rodney's yell of, "Incoming!" Teyla whispered to Ronon, "I will wait a bit. At least till the color fades. That should give us enough time to prepare him for the Winter Ritual of the Small Furry Animals."


End file.
